My dad and I he just celebrated his 63rd birthday on February 13th.

Well after so long I need to share some things that have happened. I feel sometimes I bury my feelings under the "I'm tough enough to handle anything" but on Thursday January 29th I recieved a phone call from my brother Isai saying that my dad was in the hospital after experiencing a little itty bitty heart attack. I was totally not expecting those words to ever come out of any of my family members. I guess he didn't want to upset me because what is an itty bitty heart attack? After sharing with Buck what was going on, I never ever felt so paniced, desperate, and a little alone. The thought of being fatherless took over my thoughts and emotions I didn't know what to do. I know that part of life is death but I just couldn't believe that "I" was experiencing this now. I felt helpless and determined to see my dad immediately. But in the back of my mind I kept hearing calm down. I called the airlines to see if there was any flights out in the next couple of hours, but living in a small town, where the airports closes at 5 or 6 I didn't have a way to get to him right away. By this time the word was that my dad was in really bad shape. After doing some extensive tests, it was discovered that all of his main arteries to his heart were blocked. The chances of him having a massive heart attack and ending his life were very pretty high. I cried all night and couldn't sleep because I kept having episodes of what if's and I should have's. There was so much disbelief, so I kept calling the hospital to hear his voice and the need to hear him say my nickname as often as possible. I was able to compose myself and gather enough strength to ask for forgiveness. I told him that for a long time I had been angry at him for various reasons. I wanted to make sure that he knew I loved him and I asked him not to worry about us. Let me tell you, having so much unforgiveness inside is the worst emotion to have to live with. I felt so light, funny uh since I weigh a ton. Anyway, half way through our trip to Houston, JJ my other brother called my cell and said that his bypass went so well, the doctors decided to unblock the other two arteries. See his chances were so slim that he was suppose to have bypass surgery with many risks but the doctors were convinced that he could handle a triple bypass during the procedure. A 4 hour surgery was over in an hour & a half. I prayed and thanked God like I had never ever thanked him. That little voice in the back of my mind telling me to calm down I believe now was God. Telling me this is just a wake up call for all of us. It's not his time yet. The night before I had prepared myself to go see my dad not alive but to make preparations with my family for his funeral. I had my doubts that's the honest truth. But God is merciful. Well I don't know how to end this except with one thought. Trust on who should be trusted. Trust with all your might. I DO!
I LOVE YOU PAPI.